I have been feeling a little poop today so I wanted to get some things off my chest and write another post relating to my anxiety. I still have no idea what to call this post but I wanted it to relate to having trust issues in some way. If you didn’t already know but I was really badly bullied in my time at school from fellow class mates and even my ex best friend but I won’t go into too much detail there, if you want to know a little more you can read my post My Being Bullied Experience & Stand Up To Bullying Day. But ever since then I have grown to have some serious trust issues – can’t seem to trust anyone I meet whether it be friends or something a little more if I wanted to go on a date with them. If we got close enough I would freak out they would be doing things behind my back and completely ignoring me and not taking anything in.
LIKING PEOPLE TOO QUICKLY
Despite having people treat me like shit throughout my school life I still always end up liking people far too quickly and sometimes it doesn’t end well, I end up feeling anxious and wonder if I can trust them or if they will end up leaving me.
FREAKING OUT OVER THE SMALL THINGS
They may only be small things but to someone with anxiety and trust issues they seem a whole lot bigger. Someone you like could be talking to other people more than they are to you and for someone with anxiety and trust issues it seems like they aren’t interested in you and couldn’t give a shit basically but you don’t know that unless you ask them. They could be showing more interest in other people rather than you and trust me that really does hurt a lot to someone with anxiety and trust issues.
FEAR I’M GOING TO BE LEFT ALONE AND ABANDONED
After my ex best friend treated me like shit I wondered why the hell anyone would want to just walk away from me and my friendship – I’m not a horrible person in fact I think I’m the complete opposite – I always want to help others, I’m always there to listen to others problems, I don’t spread vicious rumours or say horrible things about other people so why do others feel like treating me like shit, I haven’t done anything wrong to anyone else, why do people feel like treating me that way? I just don’t get it. One of my ultimate fears is being left and abandoned by my loved ones and having no one to turn to. In the future I want a stable relationship with someone where we support each other and care for each other and my fear is that they will leave me for someone else and I just can’t quite comprehend anyone who does that to someone.
FEAR THEY HAVE ULTERIOR MOTIVES
When I meet someone I always fear they have an ulterior motive and have a hidden agenda to talk to me, are they wanting to get something out of me without giving anything in return, are they just using me for something and then end up leaving me when they no longer want me. I am so fed up of always making the effort to start conversations with people and I always find that people only want to talk to me when they want something and if they reply they always make it about themselves and never take into consideration mine or anyone else’s feelings or opinions.
Do you have trust issues or have trouble trusting someone else? What goes through your mind when you fear there is someone you can’t trust?